Desoto is a genius

So it has been fairly warm lately, which I would normally love except for 2 things. My office is not air-conditioned (it averages about 28 - 29 degrees), and neither is my house. The house not being air-conditioned isn't so bad for me, but Desoto is suffering. He is built for cold weather, not hot, so he mostly lies around, panting big puddles of drool onto my hardwood floor. I take him to the beach to swim lots (he loves the beach) or take him to my parents to play in the hose, which he also enjoys. During the night, he will wake me up frequently so he can go outside and lie in the dirt under the deck to cool off. I don't have a hose, due to no outside faucet, so I was trying to come up with a way to cool him off, mostly so I could get some sleep, so I decided to put him in the bathtub and run the cold shower over him. This was a great idea! I am a genius too! Desoto loves the shower. Except now he wakes me up all the time and then goes and stands in the bathtub, waiting for me to turn the shower on.

The other night, I was sound asleep and Scott, my roommate came home. He went into the bathroom, to do whatever, when he heard this odd noise (Desoto makes a strange snuffling, grunting, wild animal sounding breathing noise sometimes). After recovering from the fright induced, almost heart attack, he turned around to find Desoto standing in the bathtub, waiting for someone to turn on the water.

When Scott told me this the next day, after I stopped laughing (sympathy being in short supply in my house) I asked him if he had turned the water on. After looking at me like I was insane, and asking why he would want to do that, I explained my genius idea. Scott didn't exactly say that he thought I was, indeed, a genius, but he did say that he had been wondering why the bathroom floor was always wet lately.

Boring

I haven't been posting lately, mostly because I have been busy with the work and the work, and haven't been doing anything worth talking about. I went to a movie, went out for dinner, had some drinks, went to the beach, walked the dog, and that about covers it. Liane says I am so boring she is not going to read my blog anymore. At least I post more than Jennifer.

Other than that, I have been reading all aboutTom Cruise and Kate (she is apparently too grown up for Katie) Holmes and waiting for someone to stage an intervention, kidnap and deprogram Miss Holmes. I think the Vatican should do it, since she used to be Catholic, and if the Pope thinks Harry Potter is bad, he should really take a stance on TomKat. Now, don't get me wrong, I love the Tom, but I love him more when he does not talk. I fully realize that he is as crazy as a bag of hammers, but when he is not talking, at least he is pretty.

Nothing to say

Since I have had nothing to say to you recently ( I don't really have an excuse, so feel free to supply one) I thought I would link to a very funny post about Ikea. I love Ikea, although we don't have one any where near me so I don't get to shop there very often. And this week is the semi-annual sale. So feel the Ikea love vicariously through her post.

Scary trend or just stupidity?

I have seen a couple of alarming trends lately. People wearing pajama pants as clothes drives me nuts. And not just teenagers, but adults. Big fat men and mothers with kids at the grocery store. They are not clothes, they are pajamas. Stop being so goddamn lazy and put on a pair of jeans. I swear, it doesn't take that much energy.

The other one is women wearing black bras under white shirts. Same thing as with the pajamas - bras are underwear, not clothes. You wear one under your clothes to hold up your boobs. I don't want to see your bra. Either wear a non-white shirt or buy a nude bra. Especially if you are 45 and wear an industrial strength one an inch thick, please cover that up.

I was complaining about this to Liane the other day, and she told me that when she picked up her daughter at school one day, two girls came out of the school wearing pajama pants under skirts. What kind of stupidity is this! Wear pants - preferably not pajamas, OR wear a skirt, not both.

TV Overload

I am soon going to have to have the television remote pried from my hand. There has been too much good tv on lately and my time in front of the tube is getting out of hand. With all of the season finalies on and the white trash extravaganza that is Britney & Kevin, I am fearing for my mental health.

I have to confess that I watched the whole hour of Britney & Kevin - I just couldn't tear my eyes away from the nastyness of it all. Then I had to shower, because, ick. They smoke (and not just cigarettes in my opinion - did you see his squinty, red eyes?), they drink, they talk about sex - whatever happened to the sweet little girl who used to be Britney. Not that I was a fan, but the little girls love her. I don't think I would be entirely comfortable letting my little teenybopper watch this show. And that Kevin dude, ick again. Listening to the two of them talk is just painful. They cannot seem to speak in complete, coherent sentances. But, you know what? I will probably watch it again, just because it is so nasty and I can feel superior because she may be rich and famous, but I can speak in whole sentances and I have better skin.

Then there is Lost. I am totally addicted to this show. Although I do now have to watch it by myself, because frankly, I don't want to expose anyone else to the screaming, cursing, drooling (over Sawyer), sometimes crying, and just plain wacko behavior that accompanies me watching this hour of television. Even the dog leaves the room. The only thing that I am not going to love about the trip to Montreal is that I won't get to see the finale until I get back home.

I do love Alias, but now, the whole time I watch the show, I am trying to see how pregnant Jennifer Garner looks. Plus I worry about her and the baby when she does her stunts. Some of them look dangerous. I haven't quite decided if that takes away from my enjoyment of the show or if it adds to it.

One last show I am looking forward to is tonights CSI - written and directed by Quentin Tarantino, who I just love. Two whole hours of "Kill Gil"! I may have to watch this one alone too.

I will be glad when all these shows are done, just so I can get away from my TV for a while. Do they have a Betty Ford for television?

My new Hero

Her Name is Pamela Ribon and she is a writer. Every year she has a book drive to help school get the books they need and this year she has decided to sponsor an area in India that was badly affected by the tsunami. This is the book drive website. You should go there and donate. I did. Then go to her website and read all the emails from people who have donated. Its cool.

Apparently, I need to move to Brazil

A town in Brazil celebrated Orgasm Day yesterday!

Remember when...

Remember when we were 20 and we could party like maniacs every night, stay out until 4 am, drink our faces off, eat chinese food at dawn and still get up every day and go to school and after school, go to work? I cannot do that any more. After a very late, fun night on Saturday, Sunday was painful. I am old. It was fun, though.

I have a couple of questions...

Is it wrong to drink Starbucks Coffee Liquor in the morning instead of just coffee? It's got coffee in it and it tastes really good.

Why the fuck is the runaway bride still on tv talking about her non-wedding? Who cares? Get married, don't get married, whatever. What happened to actual news on the news?

Why does this guy who lives on my street insist on driving REALLY fast down the street, just to slam on his brakes at the stop sign, every single day? Is this a sign that he is really very cool? Or that his car is really cool? I wish he would stop - loud cars irritate Desoto.

Does the guy standing outside the liquor store asking for money for coffee think we believe that he really wants coffee?

Why is it that the tv shows I am excited to watch are all teen dramas (like the Gilmore Girls, Veronica Mars, the OC)? Deep down, do I think I am still 16? Or do I just want to be?

Why does Desoto insist on having 6 or 7 small poops instead of just one big one when I take him for a walk?

Why does Ben Affleck make such bad movies? You know he's got talent in there somewhere. Is it bad management? Or is he just too busy with all his romancing to care? I watched Daredevil yesterday, that's why I am wondering.

Ok, that is all the questions.

13 more sleeps until Montreal, Joss Stone, Starbucks (0.41 miles from our hotel), shopping, the gay palace (as our hotel is now known) and rude french people.

Montreal!

I am so happy to report that Liane and I are going to see Joss Stone in Montreal on May 29th! I love Joss Stone. And I like her Gap ads way better than Sarah Jessica Parker's. Sadly, Christine will not be joining us at the concert as she will already be gone back to the UK.

We will also be taking in a Cirque de Soleil performance as well. It is so nice to be going to a place where stuff happens, as opposed to Charlottetown, where nothing much ever goes on.

The hotel that I booked online, Maison Brunet, is apparently right in the heart of Montreal's gay district, so no need to worry about our safety. Although Liane is a little worried that her birkenstocks will give out the wrong impression.

Only 14 more sleeps until Montreal!

Funny Girls

I love these girls - they are so funny!

I was abducted by aliens!

There is no other explanation. I got up this morning as usual, went out with the dog, showered and left for work at 8:20, same as I do every day. Got to work, got a coffee and sat at my computer to go through emails. I looked up at the clock after I had been here for a while to discover that the clock said 9:50. Since I have only been here for 15 - 20 minutes, somewhere I have lost an hour. Between leaving the house and getting to work, I apparently lost an hour. I must have been abducted by aliens who performed wierd and gross experiments on me. There is no other explanation. Well, maybe that my power went out at home for exactly an hour, but I think we all know which is the more probable explanation, don't we?

So, here I am

I have not been updating lately, due to an extended illness (again). I was out sick for almost a week, home in bed, feeling sorry for my self and cursing my (non-existent) immune system. Thankfully, Scott came in and walked Desoto for me a couple of days because the sulking and the crying were getting to be too much. One big baby in the house is plenty thanks. Now Scott is Desoto's new best friend.

Other than that, not much going on with me. I am trying to finish getting organized in the house, get all my stuff put somewhere other than in a pile of boxes in the spare room. I guess I am going to have to break down and throw some things away, because I have taken this pack rat thing to a whole new level. And since my roommate will be moving in soon, I guess he wants some place to put his stuff. Although, knowing myself, I will probably just pack everything away in boxes again. I may need an intervention.

Stuff

Since I moved into my new house, I have been very excited about getting all of my stuff out of the boxes that some of it has been in for years. When I moved back from Halifax, I just put a lot of the boxes into my parents basement and left them there. When I bought the house, they made me clear out all my boxes from their basement, so I have been unpacking stuff that I haven't seen in many years. Some of it is really cool, like pictures and books and things. But, I am starting to get tired of the stuff. Seriously, why do I have SO MUCH OF IT! It is endless. And why have I kept all of this stuff for all of these years. Apparently I have inherited the inability to throw anything away from my pack rat mother. Although, I seem to be in worse shape since I have seen my mother throw something away, I am almost sure of it. I, on the other hand, have seemingly never thrown anything away.

I am running out of places to put the stuff.

And the books. I love to read, I read a lot, and I read anything and everything. I have bought 5 new bookcases (in addition to all the ones I already owned) to put the books. And I still have about 8 crates of books not unpacked yet. Did you need something to read? Come to my house. I have all my textbooks, as wells as most of my notebooks, scribblers and binders from many years of university. Why do I keep this stuff. It's borderline pathological. I will never need to read about clinical psychology again, I hope, so why haven't I gotten rid of this book and all my notes from this class? I am pretty sure I am never going to be a psychologist, and probably won't be needing this book anytime soon, but there it is, on my bookcase, just in case.

One of these days, I am going to clear out all of this junk. I am going to get rid of all of this stuff I have and stop being a pack rat. I am going to be a minimalist. I am.... a big liar. I will never get rid of anything. I will just box it back up until the next time I move. And then go through this all again.

Note to the MacKinnons. You are making me very jealous. Christine is off to Dubai today (Have a great trip! Bring me back a present!)and Peter is going to see U2 in concert (Have fun! Bring me back Bono!). Very very jealous. Mike better not win the lottery or anything or I will explode from all the envy.

Happy Green Beer Day!

May those who love us love us
And those who don't love us
May God turn their hearts,
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles,
So we'll know them by their limping.
--Irish Prayer


Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone! I hope the luck of the Irish is yours today.

I am a genius!

Shut up, I am too.

I got a new washing machine delivered yesterday, but they forgot a couple of hoses. So, today, I went out to get the proper hoses and then I hooked up my washing machine and my dryer ALL BY MYSELF! And they both work and do not leak water all over the floor. Desoto laid on the floor and watched me in amazement as I performed these handy-man type tasks. He never knew his mom was so talented. And only a couple of swear words were said. By Desoto, not me.

So Funny

These girls, who are responsible for my favorite website ever, TWOP, are so freaking funny!

Wild Weekend

I had a very exciting weekend. I unpacked boxes and cleaned. And hung out with my dog, who is feeling very much better. I did leave the house several times as well - once to have pizza with my cousin the veterinarian who calmed me down and kept me sane during the time I was convinced that Desoto was going to die, and once to have brunch on Sunday with Scott and Andrea. So, all in all, very entertaining. And my house is starting to look like a house now, instead of a pile of boxes.

Desoto is back to normal, meaning that he wants to go outside for walks all the time and acts very offended if I don't come outside and play with him right now. Since we moved into the new house, he has decided that he doesn't like other people walking down his street. He will tolerate people driving down the street, unless you are driving a loud truck, these he does not like, but he does not appreciate people walking by the house at all. And he really doesn't like all the kids who walk by at lunch time. He takes his guard dog duties very seriously. He sits by the big front window all the time. If he sees someone coming, he will stand up and give them his best scary dog look, then when they get close to the house, he barks a couple of times to scare them away. Then when they have gone, he sits back down to get ready for the next one.

I came home for lunch on Friday and when I came into the house, I closed the screen door but not the inside door. Desoto and I were at the top of the stairs and he noticed a group of kids standing at the end of the driveway talking. As he doesn't like anyone on his property, he flew down the stairs, barking that great, loud, big dog bark that he has, and as he hit the screen door, it flew open and he landed out on the doorstep, barking those big, deep, WOOF's. You have never seen a group of kids scatter like that! It was really very funny, they ran like they were scared Desoto was going to eat them, which I am sure they were. I am pretty sure that I would have run for my life too. Desoto stood on the doorstep glaring until all the kids were gone, and then he turned around and came back into the house, as if to say, "OK, I did my job, they are all gone." It's a ggod thing he didn't try and chase anyone, because I was laughing too hard to have been of any use in saving the kids. When the kids walked back after their lunch, they all walked on the other side of the street.

Better Day

So, today is a better day. I have calmed down and after a visit to the veterinarian, and many phone calls to my cousin who is also a vet, I am feeling very hopeful that Desoto is going to be ok.

The vet thinks that Desoto either had a seizure or he has a problem with his heart. He is the right age for seizures to start showing up, apparently they start manifesting around 2 yrs old, and if this is the problem, it is really the best case since some dogs may have only a couple of seizures, or have them only a few times a year and not need to be medicated at all.

Big dogs like Desoto are prone to heart problems though, but when I asked my cousin the vet about it she said that if it was a heart problem, it would likely (but not always) have shown up in a heart murmur or an arrythmia, which Desoto doesn't have, so that is keeping me hopeful.

He had blood test done which all came back normal (thank goodness), and he now has to have some tests done on his heart, like a chest x-ray, an ultrasound and an ECG, and that will show if there is a problem with his heart, and what it is.

So he was great last night, and I am feeling much better today. If it was a seizure, then that is good - well, not good, but better than anything else - and it can be controlled with medication. If it is a heart problem, well, I will wait until after all these tests and see what the doctor says before I start thinking worst case.

So, thanks for all the positive vibes sent to me and Desoto. It really helped. Keep your fingers crossed that he doesn't have a heart problem.

My dog is sick

Desoto is sick and I am scared out of my mind. Last night he was upstairs with me in my bedroom when he collapsed in a heap on the floor and went unconscious. I have never seen anything like it - he just went boneless then lost control of his bladder. I thought he was dead and started screaming. After a couple of minutes he came around a little bit and tried to get up, but couldn't. He laid on the floor with his head on my lap as I cried my eyes out for about 20 minutes. Then after a bit, he came around and got up. He shook himself and then he seemed fine, wagging his tail and wanting to go outside. This morning, he still seems fine, although he is a little shaky, but he ate and drank like normal.

I called the vet and am going in today to have him examined, and I am terrified that he is really sick. So any positive energy you can send his way would be appreciated.

Moving day! 

What do you mean "Get down?" 

My Dad made the mistake of calling the cat onto the chair with him - guess who thinks he is a lap dog? 

Jealousy!

So, today, I am insanely jealous. Christine is going to DUBAI on holiday for Easter. I am not.

Move, then collapse

So I am all moved in! Except nothing is unpacked and shall probably remain in boxes for a little while yet, as I try to decide where stuff should go. but all my stuff is now in my house. Then, after all the painting, cleaning and moving, I promptly collapsed from exhaustion and the flu and stayed in my bed (I love my bed!) for two days. But at least all the hard stuff is done and I can relax and pick away at the unpacking.

There was an unfortunate incident with one of the rooms. After much discussion with my mother, I decided on a very pretty, very pale lilac for one of the bedrooms. The paint, in theory, was very nice. On the walls, a whole other story. It looked like you were inside a giant easter egg! It was a horrible, horrible, bright lilacy purple. I ran back to the paint store and begged the paint guy to make it not be purple anymore. Make it another colour, preferable grey. So the room now looks much better, a pretty purpley grey that does not make me want to beat my head against the wall until I cannot see the walls any more.

Desoto is adjusting, very slowly, to his new home. He misses my parents, and hates being by himself. Mom stopped by to visit him on Monday, and when she was leaving, he cried and wanted to go with her. It is unfortunate that I am not independantly wealthy and cannot afford to stay home all the time and play with my dog, but instead have to go to work to make enough money to pay for all the food he eats!

So far, I have to say, except for the sickness its been very cool waking up in my house that I own.

I knew I wasn't paranoid!

I saw this article about a 6-foot African rock python appearing in a St. Petersburg toilet and almost had a heart attack. I knew I wasn't crazy all those times I couldn't sit on the toilet without looking in it first, scared that something was going to bite me!

Ebay Freak

Ok, I love Ebay - I will freely admit that. I may, in fact, be slightly addicted. But I like to think that I would never get this carried away! Seriously! People are wierd. What if somebody names them, I don't know, Frodo and Placenta? If I found out that my Mom let somebody else pick my name, and I ended up with some freaked out name, I would be pissed. Although, if I was a boy, my mom was going to name me Michaelangelo Farmer.

Paint, Paint, Paint

I am starting to get tired of painting. And I like painting. I have made a lot of progress, but yesterday was frustrating. I wanted to finish the bathroom, but about halfway through, I ran out of paint. then I wanted to finish the second bedroom, but I ran out of paint. So, in frustration, I gave up and went home, only to find my mother, frustrated also after painting her house all day. My family has painting fever.

All my stuff is getting moved in on Saturday, after baing in storage for a year. MY STUFF! I love my stuff! I have missed my stuff! I forget what I own. I can't wait to unpack and see everything - it will be like Christmas. And my clothes - I can't wait to get everything out of boxes and hang stuff up. I will have different clothes to wear, at least until my sister comes to visit and steals all the stuff I like. Jen, I think we will have to instutite a new rule - for everything that you take, you have to give back something that you took previously.

I am having my cable hooked up next week. I am excited. I ordered the movie channels, so I fully expect to become a total couch potato, sitting around watching all the movies that I never got to the theater to see - which is a lot.

This will be a good week, once I finish paining - there will be cable and clothes and stuff! Woo Hoo!

Travel Bug

I was driving to work this morning when I was overcome with an intense, overwhelming longing to be somewhere else. Somewhere far away. About to have an adventure. Now this may be a reaction to all this house buying business and to the fact that I won't be taking my planned trip to Mexico this spring, opting instead to go to Montreal to attend one of my cousin's weddings. I don't know, but I just wanted to be anywhere but here. I love to travel. I am lucky to have a good friend who also likes to travel and together we go lots of fun places. We usually always rent a car to get around, because I love the freedom of being able to go anywhere we want to go without having to depend on public transportation in a foreign country. And we are both pretty good drivers, even the one with the lead foot, and have never had a problem getting around. Getting lost does not count as a problem, with the two of us, it is an inevitable part of the journey. We get lost all the time. Occasionally we have a fight about each other's poor navigational skills or inability to follow / give simple directions, but it doesn't take us too long to get back on track.

The first time we rented a car on our travels was in Ireland. Christine had looked after the ticket and renting the car and all those details, and so we had no problems at all, except when we got to the car and realized that we each expected the other to drive. We had a big fight about it in the parking lot.

"I am not driving, I have never driven on the left before"
"Well, I am not driving, I can't drive a standard"
"I am not driving"
"I am not driving"
"Well, I am not driving"
"Well, I am not driving either"

And so it continued, until I, in an inspired move to end the arguement once and for all in my favor, stomped around to the passenger seat, got in the car, and slammed the door, thinking "so there" because if she had to get in the drivers side, she would have to drive.

In the UK, the passenger seat is on the left. In Canada, the passenger seat is on the right. I got in the right side of the car, the driver's seat, thus losing by default.

Happily, I now have no fear of driving on either side and really enjoy the much higher speed limits in other countries. Although it does take me a while to re-adjust (slow down) when I get back home. I think that is what I was thinking about when I was driving to work - wouldn't it be great if I was driving somewhere totally new, about to have an adventure, not just to my boring job.

And now for something completely different

I could not sleep last night. Probably from all the house excitement. I had been down in the basement looking through some old boxes that I have stored down there, and I came across one of my old english poetry textbooks. I decided to read through it, in the hopes that it would make me sleepy, and I found that it contained 2 of my favorite poems. So I thought today that I would post them here, just for a change.

Ozymandias

I met a traveler from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read,
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed,
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Percy Bysshe Shelley
1792-18


Funeral Blues (this is from the movie Four Weddings and a Funeral, in case you think it sounds familiar but can't quite place it)

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever; I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood,
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W. H. Auden

This is my house. It is green. I also have a giant barn in the back yard. 

I OWN A HOUSE! 

Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day, everybody.

You know the best thing about Valentines Day? All the candy goes on sale tomorrow!

One more day until I OWN A HOUSE!

Grown Up

I got house insurance today. God, I am such a grown-up. I don't think I like it.

Secrets

I just found this website. It is called Post Secret and people write secrets on postcards and send them in. Some of the secrets were pretty amazing. Does anyone have a secret they would like to share? I dare you.

You know you are an extreme fan when...

you cut off your balls to celebrate your team winning! This guy must have been pretty darn drunk, or mentally ill, because if he wasn't, that is just stupid. Well, it's still really stupid, but at least he won't father any kids who will then grow up to be this dumb.

Starbucks

Did you know that Starbucks makes COFFEE LIQUOR?
AND ICE CREAM?
All of my favorite things, all together!
Somebody find me some!

Dumbass

Recently here in Charlottetown, a cop was fired because he stole (from the police station) counterfeit money that had been seized by the police, and spent it. This is so stupid, it boggles the mind. Why would he try to spend it all at once? Why wouldn't he spend a little at a time, so if someone caught it, he could pass it off as a mistake? Did he not think that if a lot of fake money was missing from the police station, a cop would be one of the first suspects? It's a shame that I am not a criminal, because I am sure I couldn't do any worse than this guy. He threw away a whole career for less than $500.

Oh, and our police force only has one guy who is able to charge people for driving under the influence of drugs. So all you guys who are too nervous to drink and drive should get all loaded up on OxyContin and tear down the road. It doesn't really matter if they catch you because unless that one guy is working, they can't do anything to you. If you weren't scared about Island drivers before, you should be now!

6 more days until I am a home owner!

Some funny stuff

These are two things that are making me laugh today:

This is a link to Patches the horse. He is pretty talented, but you can tell that these two men are batchelors, because what woman would let this horse in her house all the time?

This is a link to Einstein the parrot. Einstein is the same kind of parrot as Vern, my sister-in-law's parrot, although Vern's act needs a little work compared to this one.

BIRTHDAY!

It's Jennifer's birthday today! This is her email - mccalla@platinum.ca - you should wish her a happy birthday. And send her expensive presents. Or money.

I have a headache

I have a really big headache that does not want to go away. I stayed home from work yesterday because the headache does not like things like light, sound or movement and in response to any of these things it brings out the intense pain, blindness and vomiting. So I stayed in my bed, with the blinds closed and the lights off and prayed for death. Unfortunately, Desoto thought this meant that I stayed home to entertain him and proceeded to drive me insane for the whole day. I love my dog, but when he is bored and wants to play and stands on me while I am in pain, he is not so cute. So every hour or so, I would make him go outside so I could get some sleep but then he would stand on the doorstep and cry so loud, I could hear him from my bed and then I would go downstairs and let him in, so he could stand on me and drive me nuts again. Repeat 10 times.

So today, even though my head still hurts (although its much better) I though coming to work would be slightly more restful than staying home with the dog. It was, although not very productive. I always feel slightly brain damaged after I have a really bad migraine, like all the parts of my brain aren't quite working again. So, I didn't get anything really difficult done today, I'll save the hard stuff for a day when all cylinders are firing.

Now I am going to babysit my little cousin Garrett. He is about 15 months old and so sweet. Since my nephews are so far away, I love having my baby time with Garrett - he is almost as cute as my gorgeous boys.

Jen left? What do you mean Jen left? Where did she go? But I love her! She better come back soon or I am going to get mad!

Jen and Desoto playing in the snow. 

This picture is from Christmas in Turner Valley - it is Jen's dog Kash saying hello to Alex's parrot Vern. 

There's a tear in my beer

My sister, Jennifer, left today to go back to Turner Valley and I am sad. Desoto and I are sulking because we miss her already and she has only been gone for 6 hours. She doesn't come back until June. This sucks. Time to move home, Jen. You can live with me in my new house!

This post is about Liane

This post is about my friend Liane, who feels she is being neglected by not getting enough mentions on my blog lately. Liane has been my friend since 5th grade, when she moved in down the street and we bonded over Charlie's Angels. We did everything and went everywhere together after that. She has a great husband who picks on me, and 3 brillant children who refuse to stop growing, and now 2 of the 3 are taller than me. What did they used to say would stunt your growth when we were kids? Coffee? Anyway, she is one of the kindest, smartest, coolest women that I know, although she does have a weakness for Clay Aiken that I just don't understand. We hate the same people, for all the same reasons, have the same addictions to television, Sironella, and Starbucks, and are obsessed with our hair, although she changes hers all the time and I don't. I make her take yoga and she makes me learn to curl. We used to make each other go to the gym, and soon we will again. She will tell me honestly if I look good in something and I will tell her that I love when her hair is short and red, although I like the blond too. We can not see each other for weeks due to our crazy schedules and pick up the conversation like it was five minutes ago. We know each other's embarassing secrets, like the time we got drunk and made our poor friend Paul listen to us make all the beer slosh around in our bellies. Seriously, it sounded pretty cool. Shut up, it did.

She will listen to me obsess about myself and my dramas, real or imagined, and only after several hours (days) of my whining will she mention that she didn't have the greatest week. I spill everything I am thinking and feeling, she holds mostly everything in. She goes back to school and makes 99 in everthing, I go back to school and spend my time getting crushes on boys. She has a great family and I have a dog. I love to travel and have adventures, she loves to be home with her kids. She is neat and organized to the point of compulsiveness (lines on the carpet) while I am very untidy (she likes to say that her messy daughter takes after me). She has been happily married since the age of 19, I avoid long-term committement like the plague. She is a good cook, I think popcorn and an apple make a great supper. She is crafty, I made a pot holder in Brownies once. We are exactly the same and we are completely different. I like to think that we complement each other nicely.

Colour Blind

I have a new hobby. The new hobby does not replace the old hobby of surfing from blog to blog on the internet, reading all about people I don't know, while trying to kill as much time as possible so as to avoid doing anything constructive (not that I do this at work or anything, that would be wrong). Oh no, the new hobby is in addition to the old hobby. I should have majored in time-wasting instead of public drunkenness in university. The new hobby is paint. I go to different paint websites and pick out paint colours for MY NEW HOUSE. That I officially become the owner of on February 15. I pick out colours that I think would look lovely in MY NEW HOUSE. That I officially own in 19 days. Currently the entire upstairs of my new house is beige. I don't like beige. I am more of a green, blue, grey person than a beige person. I would actually rather white than beige. So I am trying to pick out paint colours. Oh, and I don't like pink. My parents have a room the colour of Barney, of which I am also not a fan.

My dining room is currently yellow, and I am trying to decide if I should leave it that way. The living room and hallway are grey, which is ok, maybe a little dark, but not bad. I am painting the kitchen navy blue, because I saw a navy blue room one time and always promised myself that I would have a room painted just like it. Dark navy and white - so pretty.

I cannot believe that I own a house. And I get to paint it whatever colours I want.

Over it

I am so tired of snow! When is summer?

Now I've done it

That's right, I did it! (no, not that, get your mind out of the gutter) I am buying a house. Back in November, I put an offer on a house and then had a huge panic attack about it and backed out. I really liked the house, I could see myself and Desoto living there, but obviously had some committment issues to work out. The house went off the market and I decided to put off looking for a house until after I came home from Alberta. I had found a cute little house and put an offer in (they accepted another offer that came in just before mine), and just happened to drive by the original house that I liked. Well, the for sale sign was back up so I took this as a sign that this house was meant to be mine and I am buying it. I just signed the Agreement of Purchase and Sale, and conditional upon a house inspection, I am going to be a home owner. Um, excuse me (runs to bathroom to throw up, again). The closing date is February 15th! In a month from tomorrow, I will be living in my very own house (puts head between knees to keep from fainting, again)!

The thought of having all my own stuff around me is very exciting. Everything I own has been in storage since last year and I miss my stuff. I have a lot of stuff. I inherited my mother's inability to throw anything away.

Now, I get to do lots of shopping for all the stuff I need. Yay, shopping. And I also get to throw a big house-warming party. Consider yourself invited.

Things I screamed at the television during Lost tonight

"Yay, Lost"
"Yay, Sawyer. Oh, not naked, shit."
"Yay, Hurley."
"Gross, Hurley."
"Skank"
"Holy shit!"
"DUDE! That is your sister! Gross"
"OH, cold."
"Is this a dream? This is a dream. This better be a dream. Is it a dream?"
"Holy fuck! Holy fuck!"
"DEAD? Is she dead?"
"WHAT? WHAT!"
"Holy fuck!"
"Free, free, you felt free!"
"No, no, no, no, no. Don't be over. Shit."

I forgot to tell you that my ass fell asleep

I forgot to mention that while I was in Turner Valley, my brother and I watched Napoleon Dynamite. I had seen an ad for it and it looked really funny. It was the most boring movie I have ever seen. I usually like kind of quirky, low budget, off-beat movies so I was ready to enjoy this one, but after what seemed like a hundred hours of watching, and after my arm, foot and ass all went to sleep, I gave up. I just read a post on someone's blog about how they watched it over the holidays and it was now their group of friends' new favorite movie and they were all going around quoting it and laughing hysterically. WHAT? HOW? WHAT DID I MISS? Sometime between my foot and ass going to sleep, I seem to have missed all the funny parts of the movie because all I can remember is the mind-numbing, unrelenting boredom. In my own defense, I asked Mike if he had watched the rest of the movie, and he replied, "Fuck no. I went to sleep. That was a shitty movie." Maybe the Farmers just don't get subtle humour.

Movie Night

I have actually gone out to the theatre and seen a couple of movies lately as well as renting a bunch while in Turner Valley (TV with no tv) and I thought I would pass along my thoughts on them.

Alexander - quite possibly one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Oliver Stone has been all over the press lately talking about how gay people say his movie is not gay enough, and straight people say it is too gay. Well, I am saying, gay or not, that is not the reason thIS movie SUCKED. I was really excited to see it because I am a history freak and love the story of Alexander the Great. Not to mention the fact that there is all that gorgeousness - Colin Farrell, Angelina Jolie, Jared Leto, Val Kilmer to add a little wierdness, so I was totally prepared to love this move. Holy crap, what a 3 hour pile of shit. Overlooking the fact that a whole bunch of his Greek/Macedonian troop has scottish/irish/english accents, the out of focus camera work, the war scenes that only showed swirling dust, the whole half-hour long bit where everything was pink, the dialogue was stupid, Rosario Dawson cannot do an accent to save her life, although her grunting was okay, the storyline was confusing with unnecessary flashbacks and a whole mother/son strange vibe that didn't really do anything, just one long, bad, waste of time.

The Aviator - really, really good movie. I loved it, although some of Howard Hughes OCD moments hit a little too close to home. I think Leonardo di Caprio deserves to be nominated for an oscar for this one. I loved Cate Blanchett as Katherine Hepburn, which surprised me since I was prepared to hate her. At first she seems a little over the top, but she does a great job. Kate Beckinsale didn't suck either, which is always a surprise to me, since she is not one of my favorites. Alex Baldwin is very good, and John C Reilly is always terrific in his roles. I really enjoyed this movie.

Spanglish - another very good movie. I am not usually an Adam Sandler fan (unlike my sister) but he does a really good job in this movie. He has a couple of screamy moments that I thought he could have toned down, but he is still excellent. Tea Leoni is always good and funny - she does such a great job of playing a high-strung neurotic, and that woman is in some shape. It almost made me want to excerise more. But then I ate more popcorn. Paz Vega (I think that is her name) is excellent as well and very beautiful. Kind of like Penelope Cruz, but better. Cloris Leachman is very funny and the two girls who play the daughters are excellent. I would be an Adam Sandler fan if he made more movies like this.

The Terminal - a pretty good film. I was fully prepared to hate this movie and be bored, but it is surprisingly catchy. I don't like Catherine Zeta Jones, but she is pretty lowkey and good. I do like Tom Hanks, but hate actors doing accents, but he is always convincing. A fairly contrived story, but sucks you in a little bit.

Collateral - another movie that I liked a lot. I love Tom Cruise and I really like when he is being a little dark and not all SuperTom Cruise the movie star. Jamie Foxx is really good as well. I didn't really know this actor from any of his movies, but after hearing all his buzz for Ray, thought he must be pretty good. Jada Pinkett Smith was ggod as well in a small role that could have been played well by almost anyone.

Van Helsing - horrible, horrible. Don't waste your time. Kate Beckinsale doing some kind of stupid accent, in a leather outfit, and Hugh Jackman being all quippy and heroic. Dumb and boring.

king Arthur - pretty good, considering. Clive Owen is hot. Kiera Knightly is fairly inoffensive. Lots of fighting and arrow shooting. Worth renting, I think, although I am a sucker for historical movies.

Wimbledon - not great but not too horrible. I watched this on the plane because I finished my book. I like that they showed a lot of tennis. I like that they made Kirsten Dunst kind of skanky. It could have ended about a half hour before it did, and the plot held no surprises, and I don't really find Paul Bettany very attractive.

Those are my thoughts.

My baby

I just got an updated website from the breeder, Paula Grant, who sold me my baby Desoto. Guess who's picture is on the front page? That's right, Desoto! He is soooo good looking! Go here and look at his picture so you can see how gorgeous he is.

Home again

So I am back home after my holidays in Alberta. It was really hard to leave my nephews, they are so adorable and sweet, and my brother and sister-in-law, who fed us and let us take over their house. And let me stay at night and watch tv while they went to bed. It wasn't that hard to leave my sister because she is coming home tomorrow for 3 weeks! I have to say that my sister and her boyfriend Andy were great hosts, putting up with my bossy, big-sister ways and my spoiling of their puppy very well. Thanks guys. If I ever have a house, you can come and stay with me anytime.

My puppy was very happy to have me back home, although when he smelled Jen's dog on my clothes, he had a bit of a snit and proceeded to give me the guilt look for about an hour. But then we went for a walk and all was forgiven. Thanks Christine for checking on him and making me worry less.

So its back into the old routine now that I am back home and back at work.

Wing Night at the Bowling Alley

So it is almost midnight and I have just arrived home (to my sister's house) after my first wing night at the Bowling Alley. The Bowling Alley is not actually a bowling alley, but a bar. And they have great chicken wings. On Wednesday night, they don't serve anything but $.25 chicken wings and $1.00 draught (any typing mistakes can be blamed on the beer). My whole family went. My Mom drank beer. And ate chicken wings. I don't recall ever seeing my Mom eat chicken wings. Or drink beer. It was great. Everyone in Turner Valley met me and my whole family and we met all of Turner Valley. I am pretty sure that they love us. Well, me anyway.

We all picked on Andy (my sister's boyfriend) because he has not yet married my sister. Which may yet be in the works, but after tonight, he may be rethinking the whole deal. The Farmers, en masse, are a lot to take, and he hasn't even been to PEI to meet the rest of the relatives. We also found out that Alex (my sister-in-law) stabbed her brother Roy once, sending him to the hospital for stitches. My mother is currently suing for custody of her grandsons. My brother is confident that she won't stab him. I am not so sure.

I have to get up early tomorrow to drive to Banff with my parents. I am making my sister come too, since I shouldn't have to endure that by myself. I am hoping that I get to drive, because you can drive really fast here. I love Alberta highways, all the multiple lanes and 110km speed limits. Plus they have a Lush store in Banff. Have I mentioned that the shopping in Alberta is so much better that at home? Jen and I went shopping in Holt Renfrew (fancy smancy) today. And spent a ton of money. And they have Ikea here too. I will be coming back from Calgary considerably poorer than when I arrived.

Oh, my lost luggage (those Air Canada bastards) arrived on Christmas Eve, so I didn't have to go buy new presents for everyone. Which just meant more shopping for me.

57cm of snow in Charlottetown? That is just terrible. It has been just beautiful here in the west. Too bad for you guys.

Air Chaos

So I have arrived in Turner Valley after many, many trials and tribulations. The flight left Charlottetown on time and with no difficulty, which is a minor miracle in itself, and I had hopes that this would be the one time that a member of my family would fly between Charlottetown and Calgary with no problems. Not likely. The Farmers are just not meant to fly this route, which is unfortunate, since someone is flying this way every second month or so. We landed in Montreal slightly behind schedule and I was told that I had a very tight connection and should go fast to the other gate, but that the staff knew I was coming and there should be no problem. There wasn't a problem because the flight I was catching had not even arrived yet, so I had lots of time. I had to wait about an hour, not a problem, but then, once we boarded the plane, we sat on the plane at the gate for another two hours. Then, when we finally took off, strong headwinds delayed us even longer. My poor family had been waiting in the airport for about 3.5 hours when I finally arrived. Then we had to wait ANOTHER HOUR for the luggage.

Now I left home with 2 suitcases and a carry-on full of presents. One suitcase was filled with my presents and my clothes and toiletries. The other suitcase was filled with stuff that my mother couldn't fit into her luggage, along with my sneakers and slippers and my gympants. Guess which suitcase they lost. That's right, the one with all my stuff. As of 6:00 on today (Thursday), no suitcase. So, not only was the plane really late, but they lost my stuff. I hate Air Canada. They are out to get me.

When I fly, I am not very social at all. I have 2 or 3 books (depending on the lenght of the flight) and my walkman, and I tend to just ignore the people I am sitting with and read my book. This time, I was sitting next to a really interesting guy, Lawrence, and we talked the entire flight, plus the 4 hour delay. I now know all about his fiance, her horrible mother, how to make polenta, how he flys every 2 weeks between Calgary and Bathurst, his golf game and his views on voting. He knows all about my family, how Air Canada hates me, and my friend Liane's advice on dating (only date men with dead mothers), the fact that I can't cook, and my views on voting. So, thank you Lawrence. You made the very long flight much more bearable. And he even offered to share his dessert with me. Nice guy.

Hopefully, the next time I post, I will have my luggage and I won't be wearing my sister's clothes, and I will have christmas presents to give to my family. Or else that Air Confusion has given me lots of money to buy new stuff.

Wierd Christmas

I am leaving right now to go to Calgary for Christmas. My brother, his wife, their 2 kids, my sister and her boyfriend live there, and my parents are already there, so we are all going to spend our first christmas all together. Its going to be strange not being in PEI with all my friends and relatives, but it will be so much fun with my nephews. They are ages 2 1/2 and 1, so watching them will be wonderful.

I hope you all have a great christmas wherever you are and that you are with the people that love you.

My ears, my ears!

Can I tell you a secret? Well, if you know me, it's not really a secret, but I'll tell you anyway. I hate christmas music. I really, really hate it. And I really, really hate that you can't go to the mall without each and every store playing a different rock/pop/rap/country/crap artist's version of a christmas song. Just because you are a singer does not mean you have to put out a christmas album. Really, it doesn't. The world does not need another christmas album. Everyone in the world has a christmas album. I bet if I looked hard enough, I could find a tape recorded version of myself singing christmas songs, but you don't hear me inflicting it on the public.

I don't want to hear the rap version of O Holy Night. I don't want to hear the country version of Up on a Rooftop. I don't want to hear Rita MacNeil sing anything, christmas or not. And if I hear that crazy-ass Mariah screech her way through one more christmas song, I will lose my mind.

Please don't eat the baby, Desoto

My cousin and her three week old daughter moved in to my parents house yesterday. She is going to be staying there to babysit the house and the dog and the cat. I was a little nervous about the dog - not that he is mean or anything, he isn't, he is the sweetest dog, but the baby is so small and the dog is so big. The baby is not quite as big as Desoto's head! And Desoto has never been around a baby before, and he has to smell everything, so I had visions of him trying to smell the baby and drowning her in a big puddle of drool.

After a big "woof" at Suzanne when she walked in the door, scaring everyone, he settled right down and didn't really take a lot of interest in the baby. He looks at her when she cries with the funniest look , as if to say "What's up with all the noise," but other than that, he hasn't drooled on her too much or eaten her or anything. Good dog.

Can this count?

Can this post count as my christmas card to anyone who is reading this? I have an inablility to send out christmas cards. Every year I buy them, really pretty ones with angels and snowmen and every year they go back in the box of christmas supplies, unopened and unsent. For some reason, I cannot send out christmas cards. I think about it, sometimes I even buy stamps, but I never send them out to anyone. Occasionally, I will remember to put a couple with presents, but not very often. So everyone, Merry Christmas.

Exciting news - I left my house over the weekend. I went out to celebrate my friend Andrea's 40th birthday. It was a surprise party and she was totally surprised, mostly thanks to Scott's excellent lying ability. I, however, didn't get to actually see her surprise as I was standing in line at Shoppers for 25 minutes. Apparently it was train the idiot night there and the idiots were having a hard time grasping such difficult concepts as how to work a cash register, debit machine, lotto maching and how to count money and give correct change. I was restrained though, confining myself to heavy sighs and eye-rolling and not yelling, unlike the poor man in front of me who got the wrong lotto tickets three times and then got overcharged. He kind of yelled.

Once I got to the surprise party, it was great fun. We ate lots of munchies and drank lots of drinks and had the best server, April. Then we went to a bar. I am too old to go to bars, evidenced by the fact that I turned into my mother while looking at some of the clothing choices made by the girls at the bar.

"Oh, my god! That is the shortest skirt I have ever seen."

"I don't understand, is her shirt supposed to look like that?"

"Ok, a bra would be good, dear. Really. Please."

I love seeing the clothing choices that people make, but I really have to wonder - do some of these people not own mirrors? Do they not have friends that love them? Because how they can leave their house dressed like that? Don't they know how bad they look? Don't they care? Don't their friends care? Beer goggles are wonderous things, I guess.

Anyway, the bar was (sort of) fun. There was drinking and dancing but no grilled cheese sandwich at the chinese food place.

Therapist

It seems like forever since I have posted. Between the sick and the work and the possessed computer I haven't had either the time or the energy to post. But I am back and moderately healthy now.

Desoto had his first day at work this week. That's right, I have put him to work. He is a therapy dog at a hospital here that deals mostly with mental patients, with physical or emotional problems (I have to stop calling them the crazy people at the looney bin, since my mom used to work there, this offends her and since I stand a good chance of being there myself some days, I guess it's not so funny).

Desoto goes around to the different wards and interacts with the patients. By interacts with, I mean he smells them and gets drool on their legs while they pat him, then he lies on the floor. He has a bandana and a volunteer name tag with his name on it. Some of the patients that we saw were very nervous because he is kind of scary looking, but others had no fear at all and wanted to pat and hug him. He was a little overwhelmed since this was his first day, and he got a little nervous when lots of people crowded around him but he did very well and he was a big hit with the patients and staff, except for one man who was convinced that Desoto was going to eat him and one woman who was scared that he would chase her (invisible)kitty. So we will be going to the hospital once or twice a week so the patients can play with him. The other therapy dog is a little Shiz Tzu who can sit on people's laps, so there is quite a contrast.

Desoto has a new game now where he tries to be very fierce and growls and bares his teeth and pretends to bite me, then at the last second, licks me instead that I am really hoping he doesn't try to play at the hospital. That might just send someone right over the edge.

Symphony

The cold from hell is back and I am once again serenading my co-workers with my symphony of nose-blowing, sneezing and coughing. They are very happy that I am here at work today, wouldn't you be? I am getting a little tired of this. Did you ever see the kleenex commercial where the little boy says, "I sneezed so much I think my nose is broke." That's exactly how I feel. My nose is broke. Two months of this cold/sinus infection/strep throat/bronchitis/whatever is quite long enough. It's someone else's turn now.

On a happier note, except for my father's present, I am done, done, done with the christmas shopping. Except I have a little problem of seeing really cute things that I know would be just perfect for someone, and I think I must buy it, so I do, completely forgetting that I already bought their present online two weeks ago. So good news for all the people on my present list - you may very well get 2 or 3 presents instead of one, since I apparently cannot remember that I already bought you something. Oh well, they can always be presents for me!

Still no ideas on a present for Dad - you guys are no help.

Christine - are you still alive? Answer your email!

I WANT THIS

I was shopping online today, like I do every day, because I am an addict, and I found this which is the coolest thing ever! It's one of those little round vaccuums that go by themselves. Not only does it go by itself, when it needs to recharge, it just takes itself right over and plugs itself in. HOW COOL IS THAT! While I already have the world's most expensive vaccuum cleaner (thanks Jen),I want one of these for Christmas. Since I got Desoto, I vaccuum constantly because he leaves a trail of dog hair everywhere he goes. Somebody buy it for me, ok?

Saving Private Television

I was reading about some American television stations decisions not to broadcast Saving Private Ryan because of possible repercussions from the FCC, and I was thinking that as a society, we have become unable to police ourselves. Instead of deciding not to watch something that might be upsetting or disturbing (which I think was the point of the movie, war is not pretty or fun), or parents restricting what their children are allowed to watch on tv, they would rather let a government agency decide for them what is allowable viewing. Then I came across this article which says exactly what I was thinking.

If anyone has some good Christmas present ideas for my father, let me know, because he is so hard to buy for. Every year, I buy him clothes and, believe me, nobody is less interested in clothes than my father. Except maybe my brother. Help.

The internet is evil

I am so addicted to the internet. I am really addicted to shopping on the internet. Its just so easy - you can sit at your desk and with just a few clicks, have anything you want. But the best/worst part is that if you are just typing in numbers, it dosn't seem like you are really spending money.

I used to be really addicted to Ebay. I bought everything kind of thing you can imagine off Ebay. Then I discovered selling things on Ebay and that is just as cool. I used to manage a couple of clothing stores, and because I have an addictive personality, bought a lot of clothes. A LOT. So many clothes, in a variety of sizes from fat to fairly skinny, that many of them had never been worn. So I sold a lot of them on Ebay and made (almost) enough money to pay for all the things that I bought on Ebay. I finally had to cut myself off from Ebay before I went broke and had no clothes left to wear. I still miss Ebay, and from time to time, I take a look at all the thngs that I don't really need but are so cool. I need an AA for Ebay.

So now that I am not allowed to be on Ebay anymore, I have started to shop in actual on-line stores, for things like books and make-up. I love how you just click on what you want and it arrives at your door in a couple of days. I love it so much that I have done most of my Christmas shopping already. And I am havng it all shipped to my sister's house (Jen, don't open anything! It might be for you!) so that when I go to Turner Valley for Christmas, I don't have to worry about packing any presents - they will all be there waiting for me. I am a genius.

My only fear is that I am going to get too addicted to this kind of shopping too, and pretty soon I won't be able to do anything on my computer except actual work. That would suck.

Desoto loves the snow. 

It snowed today, so Desoto and I went out to play. 

He's Guilty!

The jury has come back with a GUILTY VERDICT for Scott Peterson, thus restoring some of my faith in the judgement of the american people. I had been worried, what with 3 jurors being dismissed and the jury's seeming inability to come to an agreement. But they did it and found him guilty of first-degree murder in the death of his pregnant wife Laci and second-degree murder in the death of their unborn son Connor. The possible sentances are death or life in prison without parole. I hope he rots.

Check this out

My sister now has a blog - go and read it, she's pretty funny.
Jen's Blog

Disaster has struck

Yesterday my electric blanket died. It just died and nothing I have tried will make it work again. I am unable to sleep without my electric blanket. I am in deep mourning and to make it worse, all the stores are closed for Rememberance Day and I cannot buy a new one until tomorrow!

My parents house where I grew up is very drafty. It also has electric heat and no furnace, and as a result it is always cold. Good in the summer but when you live in a province that has 8 months of cold weather, not so good. When I was a kid and it was bedtime, my room was always cold, so I would turn on the heat, but as I have never been a fan of delayed gratification, I would turn the heat up really, really high so as to get the room as warm as possible as soon as possible. Then I would go to bed, usually waking up in the middle of the night sweating my ass off. Then, in my own twisted logic, I would reason that it was easier to open the window than get up and turn off the heat. So, the heater would be blasting away at about 80 degrees, with the window wide open, and I would almost always forget to either shut off the heat, or close the window when I left for school. Inevitably, either my mother of father would go in my room for something and freak out and I would get in trouble. This went for several years until one day, in desperation, and after thousands of dollars in heating bills, my father literally pried the thermostat off the wall in my bedroom (he has since replaced it), and so that I wouldn't freeze to death, bought me an electric blanket.

Thus, my love affair with the electric blanket was born. I use it every night in the winter, every single night. My room is always freezing, actually the window is open all year round, except if there is a blizzard and snow blows in. I can't sleep if the room is too warm, I like it best when its chilly, but I am always toasty warm under my piece of electric heaven. Until yesterday, when it died. And now I can't sleep. You would think that a 151lb dog , who has now come to believe that the bed is his by divine right, would give off a little heat, but no, not even a little. Last night, I even tried to revert to my old ways, turning the heat in the room way up, but it didn't work. No warm bed. No sleep. I hope they sell electric blankets at Wal-Mart, because I will be there when they open the doors.

On an unrelated note, Lost last night made me very, very happy with the naked Sawyer. I love this show so very much already and then they throw in naked Sawyer, thank you Lost, thank you.

Seasonal Depression

My birthday is over and I am sinking into my annual depression. It always happens after my birthday when it starts to get cold and usually lasts until the spring when the weather gets warmer and we have more than 8 hours of daylight. I am really not a cold weather type of girl. I try, I really do. I ski ocasionally and I try to snowboard, but my heart is just not in it. All winter, I long for the sun, the beach and my kayak. I want to be able to not wear a coat to go outside. Or take my dog for a walk and not wear 5 layers of clothing, plus hat and scarf and gloves.

It snowed yesterday. Now the snow didn't last and it has already snowed a bunch of times in Alberta, so I guess we are not suffering all that much here in PEI, but man, I hate winter.

How many months until spring?

Update

I promise that I am going to stop obsessing about the election soon, but just thought I would point out this interesting article about possible ramifications for Canada.

The update is about the house situation. I had made an offer on a house, and then found one that I liked better, so when they came back with a counter-offer, I rejected it and then made an offer on the second house. They came back with a counter-offer and as I was about to accept, I had a panic attack. A full-fledged, heart pounding, hyper-ventilating, I am going to die panic attack at the thought of going through with the deal. So I rejected the counter offer. I am not really sure why I freaked out so much, I thought that I had all this worked out in my head, but obviously not. My poor realtor thinks I am a loon. So I have decided to put off the house buying until after Christmas, when I get back from Alberta, and I have had time to calm down (and perhaps get a little therapy). Hopefully by then I will be so desperate to not be staying with my mother that the thought of having a hundred thousand dollar mortgage will not even bother me and I will be singing and dancing while signing the papers. We shall see.

Hurry up and be born Grace Michaela so that we can have the same birthday.

It's my birthday

It's my birthday today. I love my birthday. I love it so much that right now I am doing a little birthday dance around my cubicle. It's the one day of the year that is all about me. Well, me and the 5 other people I know who also have birthdays today. But enough about them, today it's me, me, me, all the live long day.

It is cold and rainy/snowy and windy today. That sucks. I would really like for the sun to come out and the wind to stop and the birds to sing and all that good stuff that should happen on my day.

I don't really have anything special planned for today. We had a nice party last night for my relatives from New Zealand, and as a surprise there was birthday cake and presents. So that was a nice treat. So today after work, I am going to the bookstore to buy myself a couple of books that I want, maybe a new cd, and then home for pizza and wine and more cake. I will probably just relax and go to bed early with my new books and maybe a couple of movies. Just a nice way to spend the day.

Tomorrow I am going to dinner with friends to celebrate a couple of birthdays, so that will be a fun, and probably fairly late evening. Sunday, I plan to lay around and watch movies, only stirring to take the dog for a nice, long walk, or maybe out to dinner at my favorite restaurant with a friend. Not especially exciting, but a nice relaxing birthday weekend.

I hope you all have a great my birthday.

Ways to make Angela's head explode

1. Be unable to proceed properly at a 4 way stop sign. It's not that difficult, jackass.

2. Drive very slowly and gawk around at everything except the road in front of you, leading to a line up of approximately 20 cars behind you, the drivers of which all hate your guts (Dad).

3. Come to a complete stop when making a right turn.

4. Give me the finger and continiously slam on the brakes because you think I am following you too closely. Yes, I was too close, but in my defense, the only way for me to not follow you that closely was to come to a complete stop since you were driving 10 KILOMETERS AN HOUR! ASSHOLE!

5. Go so slowly through the advance green arrow that only you and one other car have time to get through.

6. Not pulling out onto the road until there are absolutely no other cars coming in either direction, no matter how long you, or all the people behind you, have to sit there (Uncle Hal).

7. Throwing your cigarette butts out the car window.

8. Playing really loud rap music with your windows open and the bass turned way up. Yeah, welcome to the hood, loser.

9. You come to a complete stop in the merge lane until there are no cars coming. Look up MERGE in the dictionary before getting back into your car, please, idiot.

10. You start moving slowly forward through the red light as soon as the other light turns yellow. I hope that someone comes roaring through that yellow light and rips off the front of your car. I really do.

By the way, these things all happened either on my way home for lunch or on my way back to work, causing my head to explode in a paroxysm of rage.

Sabotage

Someone at work brought in leftover Tootsie Rolls. How am I supposed to stay away from the candy if there are Tootsie Rolls? I will soon have no teeth. Pretty.

Today will be almost as good as tomorrow

It is a little frightening how excited I am that The OC starts tonight. It really is sick that I seem to think I am a teenager with my twisted devotion to the fictional lives of rich high school students in California. That being said, I don't care. I love the kids, I love the clothes, I love the underaged drinking and the fighting and the sex. I want Seth Cohen to come and live at my house. Add this to my obsession to Lost and my fascination with Desperate Housewives, and I have totally given up on watching anything intelligent on television. Well, except the West Wing, but that seems a little tame with no scary monsters or housewife suicides. I have been sucked in. You should here me explaining to the dog that he cannot go outside until Lost is over because if I tear my gaze away for even one minute, I might miss something, so he might as well stop crying and watch the show. I don't even move or flip channels during commercials. Some days I really fear for my mental health.

The only problem with me camping in front of the tv with my popcorn and leftover halloween candy tonight is that we are having a big family party for relatives that are here from New Zealand. While I do like my family, I am trying to figure out a reason why I have to stay in my room, in front of the tv and not speak to anyone until the OC is over. That is probably not going to fly so I am going to have to tape and watch it later. It's just not going to be the same. Oh well, the sacrifices I make so that Christine and I will have places to stay when we go to New Zealand next year. (2 possibly 3 already Christine! And Alec has promised to take us sailing too. And I have a list of wineries.)

ONE MORE DAY UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! And don't even bother asking how old I am - I will just lie.

Unhinged

Kerry has conceded. Fuck.

And on a just as depressing note, 11 states have legislated hatred.

Way to go guys.

And the winner is?

Dear America,

You suck. Really. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Are you insane? After four years of the incompetent bumbling of that jackass, you did not overwhelmingly vote him out. Oh no, you pretty much asked him back for four more years of war and pestilience. Don't you realize that he made up this war that your children are dying in? Don't you realize that because of him, every other country in the world hates your guts? And now they think you are stupid, too.

And all you people who got involved this year for the first time, listened to the issues and went out and voted - next time, seriously, stay the fuck home. You didn't help.

While there is still some hope left in Ohio, I am not optimistic. America, you have let me down. Don't you know that it's my birthday in two days? George Bush is not what I wanted as my present.

Yours truly,

Angela

PS I have never, in my life, been happier that I am a Canadian.

Explosion Imminent

If I don't stop eating leftover Halloween candy soon, I will blow up. Or my teeth will fall out.

I believe...

I believe and I have been thinking happy thoughts and sending out positive vibes to the voters in the US. I believe that Kerry can win! Whoo hoo!! No more George Bush. Come on US, you can do it.

When not sending out happy thoughts, I have been laughing my ass off at this website, which has Morman baby names that are so funny, there were literally tears running down my face. Which is actually not so good when you are supposed to be working. Hard to hide the tears when the boss walks by. Not to mock the Mormans, but really. In the interest of fairness and as not to pick on just the Mormans, here is another bad baby name website that doesn't specify what religion these dumbasses come from.

My cousin is having a baby girl on Friday, that's why I have been checking out baby names. "On Friday", you say, "Isn't there something else going on on Friday?" Why yes, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!! I love my birthday. Only 3 more days to go.

Desoto's head is made out of rock

As I was leaving my house at lunch time to come back to work, I bent down to get the end of Desoto's tether, just as he came charging up behind me. My face collided with his head so hard that it knocked us both down. I literally saw stars as I was lying on the ground trying not to throw up. Desoto didn't look visably injured, but now I have a bruise the size of a hand on my cheek. It bruised and swelled in about 5 minutes. Why does everything have to be on my face?

The woman who owned the house that I made an offer on came back with a counter offer, which I rejected and then I made an offer on the other house I saw that I liked better. So, I am off to meet with my banker to find out if they will give me enough money to buy this house. This whole house buying business is very stressful, but if everything goes well today, I might be a home owner soon. Or did I just jinx myself?

The only part of this whole process that I have enjoyed is going through the houses. I love seeing the choices that people make in decorating ideas, colours and furniture choices. I also enjoy making fun of them. Some people have very strange ideas about what colours look good together, or what colours to paint. I was in one house where every single wall in the entire house was covered in floral wallpaper. EVERY SINGLE ROOM was done in a different floral pattern. I had to go back to the house and take my mother with me because she didn't believe me that someone would do that. Another house had a bright orange dining room. Bright, pumpkin orange and then a dark green living room. Very strange. I have also seen some beautifully decorated homes that I wanted to take pictures of so that I could do my house the exact same.

That is one thing that I am looking forward to doing when I am finally settled somewhere - painting. I like painting, it relaxes me. And nothing makes a house feel cleaner and brighter than fresh paint. I already have colours picked out for some of the rooms. I can see in my head how its going to look when its all done, and so far it looks pretty good. Now, I just have to get it. Cross your fingers. Even my hysteria has calmed down somewhat since I switched to this house. That must be a sign that the other one wasn't the right one.

Official Birthday Countdown: 7 days until my birthday!

I can't believe I just did that

I made an offer on a house. Now I am freaking out. Holy crap, what if they actually accept it! Then I am going to have to buy this house. I am going to be in debt a lot of money. Being in debt doesn't really bother me, having accepted that it is they way I will likely spend most of my life, but being in debt for like a hundred thousand dollars makes me want to vomit. I have been sitting at my desk all day alternating between severe nausea and wanting to pass out. Oh My God, what have I done. What if this is not the right house for me? What if the right house is one I just haven't seen yet? What if this house is going to be nothing but a huge disasterous money pit? What if my neighbors suck? What if I won't be happy in this house? Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhh.

Don't get me wrong, its a nice house. It has a nice kitchen with a skylight - not that I actually cook or anything, but I go to the kitchen to use the coffee maker. It has a big, fenced in yard for the dog to play in, it's close to my work so that I can walk there and come home for lunch, it has hardwood floors and 2 bathrooms. There is nothing wrong with this house, well except the roof - that needs to be fixed, but I know that already. The house is fine, its me that has the problems.

I just don't know if I am prepared for this. I have always liked the illusion that I could pick up and take off at a moments notice. Not that I would, in reality. I have a decent job, I have bills to pay and a dog. Realistically, it is past time for me to settle into my own place, stop moving around so much and basically act my age. Crap, I really miss my twenties when I could act like a child and be irresponsible. Being in your thirties SUCKS! I don't want to buy a house.

I kind of do want to buy a house. I really want to live somewhere with my own furniture and my own dishes and my own stuff. I want to lie on the couch all day on Sunday and watch tv if I want - not that I can because the dog would get kind of upset if he didn't get to go for a walk. I want to leave clothes on the floor and books piled on every surface, just because I can if I feel like it and not feel like my stuff is in someone's way. I don't want to have to explain to someone that I am eating popcorn for supper again because I want to and no, I don't want you to cook something for me. I am tired of living with other people and just want to be alone. I want my own house, I just don't want the debt, responsibility or the restrictions that come with it.

After my realtor put in the offer, I had one other house that I had made an appointment to go and see, and I LIKE IT BETTER. Except that I am not sure that I really like it better or if I am just looking for an excuse to not buy this house. My god, by the time I do buy a house, I will be insane and won't be able to live there as I will be living in a padded cell.

I am in dire need of medication.

Official Birthday Countdown: 8 days until my birthday.

Maybe someone will give me a house.

American Pie

I am fascinated by politics. I think its becasue I come from a family that has always been involved in the political process and I grew up hearing,"If you don't vote, you don't have the right to complain," one of my father's favorite sayings. I especially love American politics. I love watching American elections, mainly for 2 reasons. One, American politics are so much more flamboyant than Canadian and two, because being Canadian, I am safely removed, so that if the wrong one wins, he is not going to be the leader of my country.

I am feverently hoping that John Kerry wins this election. I think that he will be the better president and I think that George Bush is a woman-hating war monger who couldn't find his ass with both hands and a flashlight. I think that the whole Bush family needs to go back to Texas and stay there where they cannot do any more damage. Especially those twins, they get on my nerves.

But one thing about this election is really making me angry. There is so much focus on the war in Iraq and the war on terror, that so many important issues are being ignored. How can these politicans justify spending billions of dollars looking for non-exsistant weapons when there are millions of americans without basic health care? When millions of children live in poverty and go to bed hungry at night? When public schools don't have the money for the most basic arts and music programs because the government has cut their budgets to the bone? When laws that would protect our environment are not passed so that giant, billion dollar industries don't have to implement measures that might cost them a little bit of the huge profits they make every year? Why aren't these issues the most important ones in this election?

Two things about these elections that I do like - Jon Stewart and his commentaries, which I think are right on, and the Rock the Vote campaign. In this day and age, when more people watch Entertainment Tonight than the evening news, I like that celebrities are taking the time to record these PSA's encouraging people to get off their asses and vote. I am sure that I am not the only woman who would do pretty much anything that Benicio del Toro told me to do. Although having Paris Hilton encourage people to vote is a little disturbing since you know she doesn't have the first clue about the issues, or pretty much anything else.

So I will be watching the elections results next week, along with most of the world, hoping that the Democrats win and that Teresa Heinz is the next first lady - she's a hoot.

Official Birthday Countdown: 9 days until my birthday!

Colleen Jones will be calling me...

I learned to curl yesterday. And I didn't fall down, not even once.

My friend Liane decided that we were going to learn to curl (she has a bad habit of deciding that "we" are going to learn things) because her 3 kids curl and she spends hours in the curling rink anyway, so she might as well know what she is doing. They have a Newbie League on Sunday afternoons where they teach you the basics. I was a little apprehensive since the closest I have come to curling is watching the Briar on tv and changing the channel because it was boring. It is a lot harder than it looks on tv. And how do the women curl in those little pleated skirts?

You have to have good balance - which I do not. I can't even stand on one foot without falling over (this is not an exageration, I actually cannot do this). And you need to have a light grip on the rock, which I can't seem to do. I have a death grip on the rock which means sometimes I can't get my hand off fast enough and the rock moves about 3 feet. Apparently using the rock to hold yourself up is not it's purpose. Who knew? And I haven't got the knack of judging the weight - my first rock bounced off the other end, then my next 4 or 5 didn't even make it over the hog line. And to think of all these things at the same time - no, not in the forseeable future. Towards the end of the afternoon, our instructor would stand at the other end and put her broom where she wanted us to aim. Where I want the rock to go bears no relation to where the rock actually goes. Its a mystery where its going to end up every time I release.

I learned that sweeping is not fun. Trying to go quickly down the ice without falling is hard enough, but add in sweeping, looking at the rock so you sweep in front of it but don't hit it or the other persons broom is a near impossible combination. Too bad I don't know enough to be a skip, the skip hardly ever sweeps.

It was a lot of fun, and I learned a lot. Especially terms that I had heard before but never knew what they meant. So I will be going back next Sunday to learn some more.

Oh, and my last rock of the day landed right in the button. I totally meant to do that.

Official Birthday Countdown: 10 days until my birthday!

Going home

I have just been told by my boss to go home. Apparently my co-workers do not enjoy my constant sneezing, nose-blowing and coughing. Not that I blame them, I am quite germy and gross at the moment. The only good thing to come out of this nasty sickness is that I have now lost about 16lbs since I got sick. 3 cheers for being too sick to eat.

Desoto took off yesterday. I put him outside to go to the bathroom and turned my back for a couple of minutes and he was gone. I was totally freaking out and was getting ready to get dressed and go look for him, when a lady arrived with her dog and Desoto. Apparently Desoto had been at her house, so she took both dogs for a walk and then brought him home. I have no idea how she knew where I lived, but what a nice thing to do. As soon as I figure out where they live I am going to bring them dog treats for being so nice.

I am joining a curling league. It is for beginners and it starts on Sunday. Never having curled before, I hope I don't make a total ass of myself.

Official Birthday Countdown: 15 days until my birthday!

Out of the fog

I have now sufficiently recovered from my many and varied illnesses to be coherent enough to write something. I have been suffering from what started as a cold and then turned into a sinus infection, strep throat and bronchitis. On top of that, I have suddenly developed rosacea, which according to my dermatologist was simmering under the surface and brought out by all these infections and illnesses. And it will never go away, there is no cure and will only worsen over time. Great. Pretty soon I am going to look like W.C. Fields. Why couldn't it be on my ass, which I never look at and nobody else ever sees, why does it have to be on my face? I am going to have a serious talk with my parents because their union has produced at least one genetically weak child (I could point out a few things about my brother and sister, but since I want presents at Christmas, I will restrain myself). Of all the heriditary traits I coud have inherited, like height, long legs, or a genius IQ, I get short legs, asthma, hay fever, skin cancer prone skin and rosacea. Thanks guys.

Official Birthday Countdown: 16 days until my birthday!

To S....

I am sorry that both times I have seen you in the past ten years I have been completely shitfaced. I promise that I don't have a drinking problem, I don't even go out very much and hardly ever drink to excess, so you don't have to worry about me. I am sorry that I couldn't coherently tell you that it was really nice to see you, you look great and I am so happy that you are doing well. And if I did tell you that, I hope it didn't sound like a skanky pick up line. I hope that I told you your kids were beautiful when you showed me their pictures. They are beautiful, I just can't remember if I told you that. Oh, sorry I couldn't remember your wife's name, again. She is nice, I do remember that much.

I am sorry that I thought you were secretly gay when we were dating. I am sorry that's what I told my friends when they asked me why we broke up and that's why they all look at you like that. I am sorry that the night I saw you I told that story to my friends in what I drunkenly thought was a whisper, but realized later that my drunken whisper was probably heard by everyone in the entire bar, as were the other funny stories I told them about you. Especially the one about your you-know-what.

I am sorry you had to see me dancing. You can thank your lucky stars you didn't have to hear me sing again. I am sorry that you had to meet my friend J. Yes, he is always that annoying. It wasn't just because he was drunk. I am especially sorry that he hit on you after I told him the secretly gay story in an effort to prove or disprove my theory once and for all. In my defense, he couldn't tell for sure either.

I hope the next time you come home, we can have a nice talk, without all the drunkenness. And you can see that I have turned out ok and am not a falling down alcoholic.

Extra Big Stupidhead

Yesterday morning my dog proved, once and for all, the theory that an extra big head means you are extra stupid by getting sprayed in the face by a skunk. AGAIN! You would think after the first time and all the swearing, crying, nose running, bathing and vomiting (mostly by me, I'll admit, but still) he would have learned his lesson. But no, he will insist on chasing skunks. Previously on our walk, he didn't even notice the racoon mommy and her five little racoons. I would have been fine with him chasing them. Ok, not really, but at least they don't make you stink. He walked right by the racoons without noticing them, but the skunks he can see from a mile away. And we took a totally different route than the first time he got sprayed.

I am pretty sure my boss would think I was making this up as a reason not to come in to work -"You got sprayed by a skunk twice in less than 2 weeks, come on" - if the whole office couldn't smell me coming. that's the thing about skunk spray, it lingers. No matter how often you bathe or wash your clothes, it lingers. My first comment upon getting in to the office now is "Can you smell me"?

Since my dog seems incapeable of not running after skunks, I have no doubt you will be seeihng variations of this post until all the skunks are hibernating - they do hibernate, right?

Should I be worried?

I went to Shoppers today to pick up cold medication so that my nose would stop running. Very exciting I know, but it gets better. While I was paying with my debit card, I asked the clerk if I could have cash back as well. The woman beside me asked if I needed money to pay for my cold pills and when I explained that I didn't, I just needed cash to go and get coffee, proceeded to explain to me how coffee causes cancer of the colon! With descriptive terms and graphic imagery. I did not need that first thing in the morning, before I even had a freakin coffee. I'll worry about getting colon cancer after I have my morning coffee, okay?

Then after getting to work and of course, not working but reading stuff online, I read an article in the Washington Post that said:

"Conservative, religiously minded Americans are putting far more of their genes into the future than their liberal, secular counterparts."

Which means that Republican voters are reproducing at a higher rate than Democrats. And that states who voted for Bush have a higher birth rate than states that voted for Gore in 2000.

Thats a scary thought. Since a lot of kids grow up to have the same values, religion, and political beliefs as their parents, this makes me happy that I am not an American.

This makes me wonder if the people who like reality television are reproducing more than the people who don't like reality television, like me? I will soon be horribly outnumbered. Since I can't fight the trend with only my poor ovaries, I may need some help here.

This is hard work

I have been busy lately trying to find someplace to live. Right now I am staying with my parents (you can only imagine how thrilling this is) while I search for a place I can call home. My original plan was to stay with them for a couple of weeks, rent a house or a duplex for a year while I looked for a suitable house to buy. It is impossible to rent a place to,live when you own a giant dog. I have tried. Even the worst looking places, places that smell like something died inside the walls or have mould crawling across the ceilings, don't take pets - like a pet could make it worse?

So I have decided that if I don't want to live with Mom and Dad for the forseeable future, I must buy a house. I had no idea how much work this is. You have to search the Real Estate Guide, the internet, and/or question everyone you know looking for houses for sale. One bonus is that when people know you are looking for a house, they always know of "the perfect house for you"! Then you have to go and see all these houses, check out all the features/updates/problems. You have to work out the costs/mortgages/repairs. you have to figure out where you want to live, the features you can't live without, the features you want but don't really need and so on.

This is too much. What I would really like is for someone to do all this for me, do all the paperwork and just have me sign something, tell me how much I owe and give me the keys. I don't feel mature enough to have to make this decision. This is big, this is where I am going to live, for a long time. It is a huge amount of money (which still makes me want to throw up if I think about it, so I don't). Am I really old enough to have to make this kind of life-altering decision? I would like to say "I want my mommy" but my mommy just wants her house back, without me or a giant dog making a mess everywhere, and doesn't really care where I live, as long as it's not with her.

It fells like having a second full time job, this house hunting, except it costs money, has no benefits and is severely depressing.

Do you smell something...

Well, that would be me. I smell like skunk. Its faint, but its there. And its not good. Desoto and I went for a walk on Friday night. Other people have social lives and are actually out places, with other people, having fun, but me, I walk my dog. So, while we were out walking, Desoto sees something at the end of a driveway, and being either very curious or very dumb, wacks it with his paw. After its stops tumbling and rights itself, I see that it is a skunk and it is very mad and it chases us. Well, I was the one running, Desoto thought it wanted to play with him and didn't follow my example and run away, screaming skunk at the top of his lungs. So he got sprayed right in the face and as I was attached to Desoto by his leash, I got sprayed too.

Skunk spray is very potent and if you get sprayed in the face, it causes vomiting, frothing at the mouth and makes your eyes and nose produce copious amounts of grossness. In both people and dogs. Needless to say it was not a pleasant night. I have now tried every concoction known to man to remove the smell. Nothing works completely. After 100 baths, the smell is still there.

It is now 3 days later and I still smell like skunk as does Desoto and my house and car. All day long, my coworkers have been walking up to my cubicle and sniffing, then laughing and saying, "Yep, still there." Bastards.

Lead me not into temptation...

Ok, I try to be good and avoid temptation, I really do. I try to have learned from my past mistakes and avoid doing the same dumb things over and over again. But sometimes, it's really not my fault. I can try and try to avoid temptation, but when it jumps into my path and sticks it foot out to trip me, it's really not my fault.