To S....

I am sorry that both times I have seen you in the past ten years I have been completely shitfaced. I promise that I don't have a drinking problem, I don't even go out very much and hardly ever drink to excess, so you don't have to worry about me. I am sorry that I couldn't coherently tell you that it was really nice to see you, you look great and I am so happy that you are doing well. And if I did tell you that, I hope it didn't sound like a skanky pick up line. I hope that I told you your kids were beautiful when you showed me their pictures. They are beautiful, I just can't remember if I told you that. Oh, sorry I couldn't remember your wife's name, again. She is nice, I do remember that much.

I am sorry that I thought you were secretly gay when we were dating. I am sorry that's what I told my friends when they asked me why we broke up and that's why they all look at you like that. I am sorry that the night I saw you I told that story to my friends in what I drunkenly thought was a whisper, but realized later that my drunken whisper was probably heard by everyone in the entire bar, as were the other funny stories I told them about you. Especially the one about your you-know-what.

I am sorry you had to see me dancing. You can thank your lucky stars you didn't have to hear me sing again. I am sorry that you had to meet my friend J. Yes, he is always that annoying. It wasn't just because he was drunk. I am especially sorry that he hit on you after I told him the secretly gay story in an effort to prove or disprove my theory once and for all. In my defense, he couldn't tell for sure either.

I hope the next time you come home, we can have a nice talk, without all the drunkenness. And you can see that I have turned out ok and am not a falling down alcoholic.