I made an offer on a house. Now I am freaking out. Holy crap, what if they actually accept it! Then I am going to have to buy this house. I am going to be in debt a lot of money. Being in debt doesn't really bother me, having accepted that it is they way I will likely spend most of my life, but being in debt for like a hundred thousand dollars makes me want to vomit. I have been sitting at my desk all day alternating between severe nausea and wanting to pass out. Oh My God, what have I done. What if this is not the right house for me? What if the right house is one I just haven't seen yet? What if this house is going to be nothing but a huge disasterous money pit? What if my neighbors suck? What if I won't be happy in this house? Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhh.
Don't get me wrong, its a nice house. It has a nice kitchen with a skylight - not that I actually cook or anything, but I go to the kitchen to use the coffee maker. It has a big, fenced in yard for the dog to play in, it's close to my work so that I can walk there and come home for lunch, it has hardwood floors and 2 bathrooms. There is nothing wrong with this house, well except the roof - that needs to be fixed, but I know that already. The house is fine, its me that has the problems.
I just don't know if I am prepared for this. I have always liked the illusion that I could pick up and take off at a moments notice. Not that I would, in reality. I have a decent job, I have bills to pay and a dog. Realistically, it is past time for me to settle into my own place, stop moving around so much and basically act my age. Crap, I really miss my twenties when I could act like a child and be irresponsible. Being in your thirties SUCKS! I don't want to buy a house.
I kind of do want to buy a house. I really want to live somewhere with my own furniture and my own dishes and my own stuff. I want to lie on the couch all day on Sunday and watch tv if I want - not that I can because the dog would get kind of upset if he didn't get to go for a walk. I want to leave clothes on the floor and books piled on every surface, just because I can if I feel like it and not feel like my stuff is in someone's way. I don't want to have to explain to someone that I am eating popcorn for supper again because I want to and no, I don't want you to cook something for me. I am tired of living with other people and just want to be alone. I want my own house, I just don't want the debt, responsibility or the restrictions that come with it.
After my realtor put in the offer, I had one other house that I had made an appointment to go and see, and I LIKE IT BETTER. Except that I am not sure that I really like it better or if I am just looking for an excuse to not buy this house. My god, by the time I do buy a house, I will be insane and won't be able to live there as I will be living in a padded cell.
I am in dire need of medication.
Official Birthday Countdown: 8 days until my birthday.
Maybe someone will give me a house.
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