Free to good home...

Big dog, eats a lot, drools, not so smart, smells bad. Will throw in bag of food.

So, I would really like to know who put the curse on me. I have been having the worst run of bad luck lately, which has really sucked. I had a pipe burst under my bathtub, which filled my downstairs hallway with water. Then my car died, to the tune of lots of dollars. Plus a whole bunch of other stuff, so I have been deep in my usual winter depression, compounded by all the bad luck. Then, Sunday, I was having a great day. I worked at the bookstore, it was a nice, mild sunny day, and I was in a good mood, for the first time in ages. I came home, ate my supper and then took my dog for a walk. It was a great walk, and we were almost home. I had Desoto on the leash, which is actually unusual because if I walk Desoto at night on the trail, I generally don't leash him unless there are other people around, which there almost never are. But for some reason, I had his leash on, when, Desoto lunges and then dives for something that is right next to the trail. Since it is the middle of winter, I guess my reaction time is a little slow, because what he lunged for was a skunk. In the middle of February. Don't skunks frakking hibernate? Well, apparently, this one didn't get the memo, because it was on the loose and the big stupid dog and I got sprayed right in the face. Well, Desoto got it right in the face, I got it mostly on my left side, since I was a little behind him. Then we both threw up. I really don't recommend getting sprayed by a skunk right in your face, because it is quite unpleasant. It burns, so your eyes and nose run like crazy and if you don't get sick, you obviously have a stronger stomach than I do.

Desoto, while a very nice, pretty dog, is no Lassie. If I ever fall down a well, he is not going to be much help to anyone who might be looking for me. He would be more like, "Walk! Kitty! Treat! Walk! Who? Angela? Lazy bitch is down some hole and won't tke me for a walk. If you take me for a walk, I will be your best friend forever! Waaalllkkkk!"

Thanks to my not so bright, but impressive looking dog, I have now been sprayed by a skunk SIX times in three years. This time, since it is the middle of the damn winter, we could not get cleaned up outside and had to go inside, to the shower. This means that now my whole house smells like skunk too. Skunk smell takes a really long time to go away, so every time I come home, its like walking into a wall of skunk. Gross.

I went to work on Monday, smelling like skunk, because I had an interview. Wouldn't you like to have a job interview when you smell so pretty? I am sure I was memorable, at least. My poor co-workers, while either holding their breath or snickering under it, have all been sitting as far from me as is physically possible. I did offer to go home, if anyone found me too offensive, but they all assured me that as long as they didn't get within about 5 feet of me, I was almost bearable. It has faded a little each day, and just today, someone told me that she could almost not smell me. Yay.

To add insult to injury, I was watching the Westminster Dog Show all weekend, and watching all those pretty, shiny dogs, all I could think was, "I bet they don't smell like skunk!"